Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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