guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
