how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my poor anus
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
