The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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