I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize