I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
