so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
