I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
