nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize