I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
