I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i think i just lost a toe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
