hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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