Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
