he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
