I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize