I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Holy shit dude........stairs
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