i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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