I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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