does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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