Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
