just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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