i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
