He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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