Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ate ashes out of my bong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
