I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
