We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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