oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
