NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
