we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
