Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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