this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize