Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
