I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
