Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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