i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
