dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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