Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
