im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
