last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
