Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
