You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
