Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
