We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
