don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
