Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
