you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
