i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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