i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
