i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
