She is in my trunk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
