New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Couch. On fire.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
