considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
