God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
