i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
