my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How naked do you want me to be?
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