Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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