So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
