last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bring me that man meat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
