if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize