Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
