WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
