I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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