That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize