I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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