When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
