Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
