if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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