You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
