Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
